Taking a Blogging Break

Hello Blog friends!

I just want to thank you for your encouragement, motivation, and inspiration over the last year of my blogging journey. It was a fantastic experiment for me as a parent and I'm so glad to have these stories and anecdotes written down to share with my children one day.

Our family is embarking on a new adventure that we're calling Family Learning. For a variety of reasons, we are planning to home school our kids and will be joining them in their educational discoveries with "the world is our classroom" as our philosophy.  While we have enjoyed much growth, success, and learning in the public schools and are thankful for what we've experienced in those rich environments, we are looking forward to see where this next chapter will take us as a family. We'll be working this first year on developing ideas and strategies for what works best for us and I know that will be taking up a lot of my educational and parenting thoughts and time.

Over the years I have learned that as a mom I need to be intentional about what I am purposely spending my time doing. I'm presently in the process of experiencing God pruning things from my life and watching some things come to an end to make room for growth in other areas.

Thank you for your thoughtful emails, supportive messages, and encouraging comments. I wish for each of you to continue experiencing an exciting, challenging, and exhilarating Parenting Journey in Progress!

Sincerely,
Paula

Put Yourself in Her Shoes

Our three kids were recently playing together in the basement building forts when I heard an argument begin. Up the stairs came Caroline (11) who had apparently decided to take her fort and go home. The boys were soon at the kitchen table describing how "all they had said was"...."she didn't even say what was wrong"...."geez, girls are so sensitive..."

This led into a discussion where I asked them to think about how it might feel to be the only boy in the family, how it might be different to have two sisters in the house and always have to join in their play.  Not only does our daughter have two brothers, but my sister's family lives close by and the kids are all like siblings. Their family? Three boys. Typically, Caroline holds her own in the group of 5 boys, but at times I'm sure it gets frustrating. We talked a lot that day about seeing things from someone else's perspective and  what it meant to "put yourself in someone else's shoes".  I then left the boys alone and asked them to do what they thought might be good in this situation. This is how it works with kids - some days they may have listened to me while rolling their eyes and after shrugging and smirking at each other, headed back downstairs to play. Sometimes they surprise you. And make you laugh.

After a few minutes, I heard heavy footsteps up the stairs followed by my daughter's laughter. I went up to find the boys prancing around in their sister's shoes, telling her they were sorry for how they treated her and were trying to understand how it felt to "be in her shoes".

Of course Caroline found it funny and appreciated the effort of the point being made. It made me think about how often we forget to think of things from another person's perspective and what else might be going on in a situation. A good reminder to get outside of ourselves and see the world a little differently from time to time. 

All the World's a Stage

I have fond memories of being with my sisters on our front porch and rehearsing scenes from a made up play. Singing and dancing our hearts out - not for an audience but for just for the joy and art of storytelling. Doing things for the fun of it is becoming increasingly less frequent in our kids' lives as we continue to schedule more and more over their free time. Unstructured imaginative play is crucial for cognitive and social development and increases problem solving skills, builds emotional strength, and fosters creativity. 


With all that in mind (and because it sounded like fun), last Christmas we ran with the idea to build a stage in our basement. I'd always wanted to turn that unfinished space into a bright, open playroom, but it never quite made the top of the financial priority list. Since it was just an open area of concrete, wood, and steel, some pretty cool guys (thank you Dad and Uncle Jim!) dreamed up a simple but super fun stage design and put the entire thing in in one day.

Aside from the silly fun our kids and their friends have down there, we noticed some immediate and lasting benefits. The kids work together to create something they've dreamed up. The amount of hours spent discussing, consulting, and compromising are unique to that environment directly below our kitchen. There's nothing quite as organic as the creative process and left alone to children, it is truly a beautiful thing to behold. 

For them, this stage is not about performing or even the end product (in fact, only Grandmom and Granddad have been treated to a "show" and that's because they begged). It's not about having an audience and none of our kids have aspirations of being performing artists. It's about pure pretending and creating - things that aren't always easily accessed in today's world of high accomplishment, achievement, and electronic entertainment. I love watching them lose themselves in their imagination and cooperating in a give and take process. 


In this world imagination is king. There's a wide variety of "acts" that take place on that stage. Pirate battles including fight choreography and sound effects by the boys and their cousins, dramatic poetry reading or expressive movement by middle school girls, acted out Bible stories or Shakespearean plays, original music involving ALL sort of instruments, or just improvisational comedy (yes, it's only funny to a parent). It's a place for them to be inspired, let go, and just dream. 

Our stage consists of wood, black fabric (thank you Tyler), and running lights, but creating a space for kids to tell stories and use their imagination can be anything. I've seen some pretty cool homemade puppet theaters, simple sheets and blankets to create backdrops, or just big cardboard boxes available to become rocket ships or trains. There's no right way to create an environment that encourages creativity - just some space and freedom is all they need.


A lot of a child's learning can be gained through somewhat of a passive relationship between the child and the information. Allowing children to create with no boundaries and with no specific end in mind strengthens their imaginative skills and capacity to think beyond the norm. Because regardless of what they become - a banker, architect, medical professional (or maybe a pirate) - what we want is for these future community builders to think beyond limits and dream up new possibilities.


Now on with the show!

The Princess Complex

Peggy Orenstein's new book, Cinderella Ate My Daughter, is causing a buzz among mothers of young girls. As a little girl all grown up and a mother of an eleven year old daughter, the "princess fever" that has reached new heights among this generation of girls intrigues me on many levels. I know it's not a new debate and mothers for years have wondered what would happen when their little girls grew up and realized life wasn't a fairy tale. My own mom actually took a marker and wrote at the end of all our fairy tales. The last page of our stories always read, "And they all lived happily ever after...with a few problems now and then."  She didn't want us thinking that things were only good and right if they were perfect and that sometimes things happen and you have to work through them. I still remember going to a friend's house, reading her Cinderella storybook and thinking, Hey...where's the "problems now and then"part? The generation before us also had issues with princesses because they feared their little girls would grow up waiting for Prince Charming rather than getting out there and making something of themselves in the world. Today's generation of parents have similar princess complex anxiety but for different reasons.

Admittedly, I've never been a girly girl which is why I'm intrigued by this and find myself understanding both sides. Growing up with two sisters, my older sister lived in a pink cheerleading world, and my younger sister lived in a Barbie and Cabbage Patch one while I pretty much stayed in the middle with a blue room and interests in sports, music, and student government. I wouldn't call myself a tomboy, but I'm definitely not into manicures and matching accessories and can therefore understand the parents who refuse to buy tiaras and pom-poms. On the flip side, I don't believe there's anything inherently wrong with unicorns and fairy wings, so what's a mom to do?

I think some parents are so focused on attacking the sparkly tiaras that they're missing the real problem.  . It's the diva-like attitude that's accepted and even encouraged as typical girl behavior and not the color pink that's the issue. Putting yourself on a pedestal is not something I'm interested in teaching my daughter. The problem is that society thinks it's cute.  Attitude t-shirts are quite the current fashion with telling sayings like, "It's all about me". Most of the Disney princess movies teach lessons about compassion, perseverance, and honesty but when someone jokingly refers to a girl as "such a princess" they're not referring to her compassion, her hard work, or her courage. It's the "I want the best and I want it now" attitude.

And while I'm a big fan of kids playing pretend in costumes, it does seem that sensuality is more prevalent in our young girls' world then when we were growing up.  I have to admit I'm not sad that Club Libby Lu, the Saks inspired makeover/fashion store where girls as young as 3 were encouraged to put on glittery tube tops, tight pants, boas, and make up is closing its doors. Recently, my daughter wanted to take a tap class just for fun and we had quite a time finding a dance studio that didn't involve some kind of pageantry type recital with makeup and boas or hip hop choreography that was on the suggestive side. Ummm...no thanks.  I think dance is a beautiful art form, but the fact that we had to hunt for something appropriate says something about what we're doing to our girls.

So I guess no matter what side of the princess spectrum you're on, what it comes down to is intentionality and communication.  And of course, moderation is key. We definitely did not ban all things princess in our house and Caroline's room at eleven is still pink.  But for every princess storybook on her bookshelf, there's a biography about a strong influential woman. Dress up clothes included fancy tea dresses as well as doctor's scrubs and astronaut suits. (Thank you Grandmom!) We're constantly talking with Caroline about character attributes and what messages you send out by the way you dress, act, and talk.   Rather than avoid media, fashion, and marketing which we all know is impossible (although we did refuse to buy anything Bratz related where the doll's denim skirt rides just low enough to see the strings of her bikini underwear) our goal for her to is to critically pay attention to media messages, be observant about the attitudes girls in her world have, and be intentional about what she's putting out there.  Princesses can be strong, brave, centered, and compassionate. All things we want for our daughter as she figures out who she is and how she fits into this world.

3 Ways To Be Intentional

I've written before about my desire to be an intentional parent - to think more and react less. I recently heard a speaker talk about his "Whac-a-Mole" style of parenting and how he challenged himself to really slow down and think through their family's vision and mission rather than reacting to each issue when it came up. Here are 3 quick tips on being an intentional parent by Jim Mason, President and CEO of Beech Acres Parenting Center.

1. Understand how your childhood affects your parenting today. 
Jim talked about sitting down with your spouse and calling out what you appreciate about the way you were raised and would like to keep as part of your parenting philosophy as well as those things that you don't want to carry over to the next generation. This isn't a deep dive (although that's healthy as well) but more of a broad look at things like: I appreciate how my parents raised us to have polite manners, or I want to avoid using external motivation and rewards.

2. Have a vision for yourself as a parent. 
Jim walked us through a thought provoking exercise where our imagined grown children were making a speech and telling the audience how he/she appreciated their mom for always teaching them these three things....  He had us fill in those three things and then give examples of how we're teaching that to our kids. I agree whole heartedly with him that the best way to change your kid is to change yourself.

3. Have a vision for your child as an adult and act today in a manner that reflects the future. 
A group of friends and I recently sat down and made a list of what we hoped for our kids in their adult years and then challenged ourselves on how we were specifically teaching and modeling those things. Proactive and intentional - with some accountability built in.

I find that when I'm thinking about being intentional I'm more calm, thoughtful, and yes - a better parent. Thanks Jim, for the reminder that parenting takes thought and planning and when we find ourselves playing "Whac-a-Mole" it usually means we need to take a step back and take some time to think rather than do.

Problem Solving Deficit?

This post is inspired by a recent trip to an unnamed store where I attempted to purchase a pair of gloves and had a rather amusing experience.

After beginning to process my purchase at the register, the cashier stopped ringing the items up when she came across the gloves that seemed to have no price tag on them.

Teenage cashier: Oh. These have no tag.

Me: Sorry about that.

Cashier: (pause, no words)

Me: They were the only pair like it – I got them in the hat/glove section if that helps.

Cashier: Oh. (longer pause)

Me: Do you want me to go back and see if I can find a similar pair?

Cashier: I don’t know.

Me: (out of town and really needing gloves for the seriously cold weather outside). I’d

really like to buy them.

Cashier: I’m not sure what to do.

Me: (realizing she is looking to me to tell her what to do) Ummmm….is there someone you could call?

Cashier: Ok. (calls another cashier from somewhere in the store. She gets there after a few minutes)

Cashier 1: I’m not sure what to do about this.

Cashier 2: (they stare at the gloves) Hmmmm..

Really??

Cashier 1: (speaking to Cashier 2) I tried to find a product number and there isn’t one.

(Both cashier spend a few minutes punching various numbers into the register.)

Me: (sensing this will not have a short ending and trying to move things along) How about $10.00?

Cashier 1: Well, we don’t really know that’s the price.

Really????

Me: Could you call the manager and have them look up the gloves in your product list?

Cashier 2: I guess.  (pause, seems to be looking to me for confirmation)

Me: That would be great.

Ten minutes later, I had my gloves (which were $9.99 by the way) but was reminded once again of the many examples I see all over the place of poor problem solving skills. Call it lack of accountability, victimization, the result of helicopter parenting…but it seems to be running rampant among our kids’ generation.

Top Ten Games

We are definitely a game family. I would be embarrassed to admit how many board games we actually own - and we also enjoy making up our own from time to time (see earlier Road Rally post). Games are just such an easy way to bring everyone together for some uninterrupted family time and can guarantee laughs, cooperation, and serious competition! Since Christmas shopping is in full swing and because I found myself recommending a couple games to a friend the other day, I thought I would post the Top Ten Games in the Rakestraw household (at least for right now).

1. Anything by THINKFUN
Marketed as "addictively fun games that stretch and sharpen your mind",  this game company has won several awards for advancing learning through play. Brainteasers, logic puzzles, and creative thinking drive this innovative thinking company and are just some of their super fun products. Check them out!

2.   FUNGLISH
Clue givers have to use word cards to describe things for the guessers. You have helpful categories like "definitely", "sometimes", and "definitely not". Fun for both kids and grown ups and can be modified so non-readers can be guessers only. Emphasizes team work (which we always like) and provides laughs and vocabulary building.

 3.  CUPONK
This is one of those games you walk by in the store because you can't imagine paying $10 for a plastic cup, 2 ping pong balls, and some cards. It really is worth it. The cards describe specific tricks you must complete and how many tries you get to do it. It can be played with any number of people and is fun for little and big kids. A very popular activity at our house right now.

4. HEDBANZ
This game comes with 6 plastic headbands and simple object cards. Like the old card game, you wear a card on your headband and ask yes or no questions about what you are to try and make a guess. Everyone from our 4 year old nephew to the oldest adult loves this simple game.

5. SHAPES UP
Combining strategy and tangrams, this geometric puzzle like game is great for logical thinkers. Blockus and Rumis are similar games that are also fun.

6. MAGNETIC MOSAICS
This is a simple art activity I found in a magazine that has provided hours of calm, cooperative creating. Kids can match colors using small foam blocks to create pictures or create their own mosaic design.

7. DISNEY APPLES TO APPLES
If you enjoy Apples to Apples, this is a great version for kids - especially younger ones - as pictures are included on the cards. It stretches their minds to make comparisons and allows them the opportunity to speak thoughtfully about their reasoning.

8. IMAGINIFF
This game involves deciding who is most like a kitten or an old tennis shoe and why. Or if Dad could be a professional athlete, what would he be? Fun with your family and also a fantastic slumber party game - especially when 6th grade boys' names are written in as categories...


9. SPLIT SECOND
This is an old Parker Brothers game my husband and I revived with our kids. It's basically quick answer trivia questions, but closest/fastest wins. The kids love the quick release plastic arms that you have to flip once you write your answer down with dry erase marker. Also thrown in are random personal questions that always make for family fun.


10.  THE NAME GAME
This is a made up game - not sure of the original creator - but my sister and her theater friends played it in college. It's so much fun that we play it in every setting: couples game night, family time, girls weekend, Christmas extended family....Basically, everyone writes down 10 names (we play anything goes - famous people, cartoon character, even people you know) The only rule is that at least 3 people need to know this person. Put all names in a bowl, divide into two teams, and complete 3 rounds of play. A round is complete when every name has been guessed correctly. Round 1: describe using any words except the name. Round 2: say only one word. Round 3: no words allowed (charades). Points are given for each correct guess. This game is active and hilarious!

*I know this is more than ten - but I can't post this without mentioning those great card games you can throw in your bag for long car rides or waiting for a table at a restaurant. Some of our favorites are: Cranium Zigity Tin, Blink Card Game The World's Fastest Game, There's A Moose In The House, and Zeus on the Loose.

I'd love to hear of any other great game recommendations - we look forward to adding to our collection! Enjoy many evenings by the fireplace this winter!

Life Long Learning

Step into any classroom and you'll see evidence of several different types of learning going on there.  Learning styles simply describe how people perceive and process information in different ways.  Dr. Maria Montessori, an educational revolutionary, began using multiple approaches to instruction to cater to individual learning styles in the 1940's. The study of learning styles continues to evolve as more is discovered. There are three basic types of learning: auditory, visual, and kinesthetic and people are usually dominant in one style over the others. Kids in particular can benefit by knowing how they best acquire and master information. 

A Bug & A Wish

Anyone who has more than one child knows that teaching kids how to speak their feelings in a constructive way is crucial to healthy sibling relationships. In my work with young girls, we talk a lot about speaking feelings, communicating needs, and validating how the other person feels.

My sister is a great "boy mom" (she has three sweet testosterone filled cuties). One of my favorite rules she had to make about their household bathroom was, "Only one person can use the toilet at a time". Use your imagination and keep in mind that one of the boys was already sitting down.

Susan found a method around communicating your needs that was "little boy accessible" called "A Bug and a Wish". Here's how it works.  Say a kid is bothered by something their sibling (or friend) is doing and wants them to stop. Teaching kids to ask the person to stop the behavior is a first step, but this method encourages them to also talk about their feelings and express their needs (not always easy and natural for boys). The child might say, "It BUGs me when you take my Star Wars guys and leave them in strange places and I WISH you would ask me first if it's okay to play with them." The other person is required to acknowledge that they've heard the Bug and a Wish and respond appropriately. My sister admits that it took some training. Moving from "It BUGs me that you're stupid and I WISH you'd go away" to more acceptable statements and requests took some re-direction, positive reinforcement and just plain patience. Once the process is established, the ease of calling out a "Hey - do the Bug and a Wish!" reminder helps impending arguments to lose traction. Most boys fall into the "the fewer words the better" camp and respond well to clear, concise verbal reminders.

Of course this is not limited to boys - it also works with girls and can even help kids verbalize their needs to their parents. Actually when you think about it, this really applies to friendships, marriages, and other family relationships that thrive on honest, current, and clear communication.

So keep in mind that if you begin using this method and one day hear, "It BUGS me when you text on your cell phone while we're playing together and I WISH you would just put your phone away",  your little one just might be growing in healthy relationship skills.

My sister Susan and her boys

Languages of Love

There’s a well known book by Gary Chapman called The Five Love Languages that gives great insight into how people uniquely give and receive love. It’s eye opening to learn about how you and your spouse may differ in your needs and expressions of feelings and can provide great conversations leading to growth in your relationship. There's a version of this book specifically about children and after reading it with some friends, we all discovered a little more about our kids and how best to love them in their own languages...

Doing Life Together

After a recent conversation with a friend who was struggling with feeling isolated, I was reminded again about the intentionality it takes to be part of a real community. She's taking the step to look for ways to connect and it is a big challenge for her. I was so impressed by that and realized that for some people, it's just a natural part of the way they live. For others, it's a steep hill to climb that seems overwhelming and maybe not even worth it. There are all types of communities in our lives and benefits to each, but I believe that having other parents as friends and resources is a huge factor in our day to day journey.


A community isn't working out at a gym and seeing the same people on MWF mornings or colleagues you talk to in meetings on a regular basis. The other mom who helps you plan the classroom party may not count either.   If everyone you encounter knows you to about the same level, then you probably aren't connecting deeply enough to really call it a community. I'm talking about people who know you (the real you), can challenge you by speaking truth and build you up with encouragement. It's hard enough being a parent - doing it in isolation is so much harder...

Football Fever

My husband loves to find fun things to do with the kids that create memorable experiences. Our boys are almost 7 and 9 this year and pretty into playing ball. There’s usually not a day that goes by that they’re not outside with Dad playing catch of some kind, depending on the sports season. With Bengals season just around the corner, Darrin decided to take the boys to Georgetown for the Bengals training camp experience. An hour and a half from Cincinnati, the admission is free and you are just required to pay $15 per car for parking.

The guys were able to watch the Bengals players being run through a practice and then go to an autograph tent afterwards. They enjoyed discussing the specific plays and drills being done on the field and unlike a regular game at Paul Brown Stadium, they were able to get pretty close to the players. They even talked with my former college gymnastics strength and conditioning coach that is now on staff with Cincinnati football - which scored me some “cool points” since I don’t always follow their very detailed sports conversations.

Camp is usually held each year at the beginning of August – if you have football fans in your house you should definitely check it out!

Strength & Weakness

I believe that we are intentionally and intricately designed. That our given strengths and gifts can also play into our weaknesses – simply because we are human. In learning about myself and how I am created, I continue to uncover areas of vulnerability that I need to develop and strengthen as I grow. Guiding kids along this self-discovery can help them figure out a little more about who they are designed to be.

A certain strength has related weakness. For example, a child who is naturally compassionate has the strength of instinctively caring about others and being concerned for their well being but may struggle with making their own choices and could find themselves being persuaded to do things because they want people to be happy. Or a child with leadership gifts has the strength of being so visionary and motivated that he sometimes forgets to consider the feelings or opinions of others. Understanding this relationship allows us to celebrate our strengths and challenge our weaknesses. The very things that drive us crazy about our kids are really just undeveloped characteristics of their strengths. Our kids are who they are and it’s our job to help them discover and guide them in their journey of growth, however I was recently reminded that this discovery and guidance is not just up to us...

Road Rally Fun

 My sisters and I grew up in a family with parents who frequently planned activities for their friends that were just about fun. They had a close community of family friends that lasts to this day so it’s only natural that we’ve adopted a similar lifestyle and love to host events where the purpose is just enjoyment. One of my parents' made up events was something they called a Road Rally. This weekend we, along with my sister’s family, hosted our own first annual Rakestraw/Jung Road Rally. 

Similar to The Amazing Race, we created a course through Cincinnati that included 10 road blocks. Ten pages of rhyming clues led them through the race, finishing at a park shelter where we had a big family party. Cars were sent off 4 minutes apart from the starting line and scored according to time, mileage, and the completion of checkpoints. We wanted this to be a family event so clues included everything from 90’s movie references to Webkinz characters and sports and history trivia. Parents needed their kids and kids needed their parents...

Family With a Purpose

Years ago, Darrin and I were a young couple just starting out and were hoping to have a family sometime in the near future. One summer we were touring a house and noticed a frame on a stairway wall containing a “family mission statement”. It was beautiful language around what made their family unique and we agreed that it was something we’d like to incorporate into our future family. We sort of forgot about it once the kids actually started arriving when things like laundry, sleep, and basic survival took over.

It wasn't until I recently read a book by Patrick  Lencioni, the well known author  of The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, that I was reminded about the family mission statement idea...

Sibling Love

This post is for my friend, Alli, who helped me start this blog. Alli has three adorable children ages 4 and under. We’ve been there (our oldest’s 4^th birthday was days after our third child’s birth) and while the first few years were physically challenging (I still appreciate and am grateful for a good night’s sleep and still value the day when I realized everyone could put on their own coat and tie their own shoes - wait, we can just walk out the door…now??) the present days are giving me glimpses of that unique bond siblings have when growing up very close together and realize just how special it is. Yes they still drive each other crazy and sometimes for their own safety need to be separated, but there are moments that definitely make those sleepless nights feel very far away and make me so thankful for a house full of chaos...

Failure IS an option

Everyone I know wants their kids to do well in school and have a successful experience. We want the best for our kids and aspire to teach them to be responsible, independent, productive students. We all know the cliches about "learning more from failure than success" and the stories of people like Michael Jordan being cut from his high school basketball team, but when it comes down to it we continue to rescue our kids and rob them of the daily lessons that teach them the very essence of responsibility, independence, and productivity. 

 When I taught middle schoolers, I could easily recognize those students who had been "rescued" throughout their elementary school years...

Family Time

Community is an important part of what makes our family who we are. Darrin and I believe that God wires us for community, and we live in such a way that friendship and extended family play an active role in our lives. We give those relationships priority and focus. We get together regularly with other families and plan weekend trips together with all of our kids. Our house has an open front door that many people use regularly and we like it that way. We’re also both very close to our families and vacation with both sides each year. There are bonds that are strengthened and deepened with every trip.

We wouldn’t trade any of these relationships for anything and feel there are immeasurable ways both we and our children benefit, but as the kids began to get older and busier, we realized we needed to create some protective boundaries around our family time  - those times spent together with just the five of us. We are intentional about camping trips or other weekends away that just involve us, but we wanted to set up something consistent and lasting that would build into our family priorities of quality time together.

One night a week is “Family Night” at our house. No school or sports activities, phone calls, email, visitors, or other distractions...

Destination Imagination

As a long time supporter of Destination Imagination and a former teacher, I am passionate about this program that includes, but goes beyond, the academic standards to train future leaders in such areas as teamwork, problem solving, and creative thinking. I fully support our schools working to improve test scores and raising curriculum standards, but years from now when our kids are making a difference in the world, these creative problem solving abilities and decision making experiences will matter just as much, if not more than, their SAT scores. I believe that whatever the field, most of us find ourselves working on a team that has an objective, a deadline, a budget, and a direction, and the job is to work together to solve the presented problem. That’s what these kids are learning...

Throwing Punches

Huge disasters resulting from desperate attempts to teach my children something of value always seem to provide a lesson for me instead.

My mom was a great mom. I mean great. I grew up in a house with 2 sisters and a special needs brother. She rarely yelled and always seemed to know what to do in a situation – guiding us and teaching us life lessons at the same time. There are often times in my daily parenting when I find myself asking, "What would Mom do?"

All kids go through the stage of arguing with their siblings. I actually believe it is invaluable experience in conflict resolution in a safe environment. But anyone who has kids old enough to argue know what I mean when I admit that this is the one of the things that make you want to throw things. Maybe at them. I remember one afternoon...

Scavenger Hunts

Scavenger hunts have been on my mind lately, probably the warm weather and the ability to go outside and run around – yeah spring! We had fun last week with a couple at the zoo and the nature center.

We drew 16 squares on a piece of construction paper and I wrote things to find on each kid’s appropriate to their age. At the zoo, Eric (6) had to find things like a mammal and an animal with a long tail, while Caroline (10) had to find things like an omnivore and an animal indigenous to South America. We laminated them to protect them from drops, tears, and spills...

Summer Book Clubs

A few years ago, my friend Teresa and I decided to hold a book club for our daughters and their friends. We wanted to keep them reading over the summer and thought it would also be a fun way to keep the girls connected through the off school months. That first summer we read a great book called "Trouble Don't Last" about a runaway slave. We met once a week for 6 weeks...

Find a mentor, be an encourager...

I've found that no matter where you are on the parenting journey, it's so helpful to have a mentor who is just a stage or two ahead of you. Years ago during the stage where we had three kids under four, I remember one particularly rough morning when I had exhausted my resources of books, games, puzzles, and snacks....all before 10 am. I secured the kids in their various containment devices (bouncy seat, exersaucer, and watching Clifford) and stepped out on the porch for a couple deep breaths of fresh air and a little perspective. Feeling a little better, I went back inside and we continued our day...

Just for the Joy of the Experience

While visiting Darrin’s family in Illinois this winter, we took the kids on their first ice skating adventure. While we’ve roller skated together, none of the kids had ever tried ice skating and found the indoor rink experience to be both exciting and hard work.

Caroline, 10, took advantage of the aid to help acclimate beginners to the motion of skating (which was very cool by the way – it was like a sliding walker) and took to the ice with her cousins, gradually giving up the tool and holding hands with her pals. She was a little nervous about falling and found the ice surface to be unforgiving and sometimes painful. She kept a good attitude though and had just as much fun hanging out and drinking hot chocolate with her buddies as she did on the ice.

Eric, 6, was determined to “do it myself” and declined the aid, working very hard to figure it out and accomplishing his goal of skating around the rink without help from mom, dad, or anyone else near him. There were tense moments of frustration but he stayed the course and persevered.

Adam, 8 , was the most fun to watch. Sheer abandonment of expectations, what people thought, or accomplishing anything, Adam threw himself (sometimes literally) into the ice skating experience. He had so much fun...

Journaling

My daughter and I have a journal that we write back and forth in to each other about various topics. It started when she was about 4, so the early pages have big, slanted sentences like, “I love you Mommy”, “Thanks for the new socks”, and “You’re the best”. Knowing how important communication is, I wanted to have several opportunities for us to be able to connect, as well as the goal of fostering a love of writing and the ability to express herself in written form. I have found that just like adults, sometimes it feels safer for a kid to write down questions or feelings rather than talk about them first. Sometimes we have an exchange in the journal that starts on the surface and then goes to a place where it’s time to talk. Then we’ll have great conversations in the quiet of her bedroom about an issue that she has been sorting out in her head for awhile.

I think she’s learned a lot about processing her thoughts. Sometimes you can journal your way through an issue – how are you feeling, are you over-reacting? Is the solution within the words you are writing? She’s learned that self-reflection and prayer can provide clarity and direction in a way much different than verbal conversations.

Caroline is a talker anyway, so much so that now we sometimes use the journal in a “write that down in our journal and we’ll talk about it later” kind of way, but my friend’s daughter is more quiet and keeps things inside – how she’s feeling, what she’s thinking, and what may be bothering her. When my friend heard about the journal Caroline and I have, she became very excited and started one for the two of them. She tells me it absolutely changed their relationship. There was a level of trust within the writing and her daughter was able to express herself in written form in a way that really opened up their communication.

At 10, Caroline now has several journals in a variety of sizes, designs, colors. She has a chronological diary of events, a dream journal where she writes prayers and ways she hears God speaking to her and through others, and other random ones where she writes story ideas and song verses. We still also have “our journal” that we get out and have written conversations about our lives.

I love that Caroline and I can continue sharing our love of writing and that we’ll always have those early years recorded in her own handwriting – even if it only says, “Thanks for the new socks!”