Strength & Weakness

I believe that we are intentionally and intricately designed. That our given strengths and gifts can also play into our weaknesses – simply because we are human. In learning about myself and how I am created, I continue to uncover areas of vulnerability that I need to develop and strengthen as I grow. Guiding kids along this self-discovery can help them figure out a little more about who they are designed to be.

A certain strength has related weakness. For example, a child who is naturally compassionate has the strength of instinctively caring about others and being concerned for their well being but may struggle with making their own choices and could find themselves being persuaded to do things because they want people to be happy. Or a child with leadership gifts has the strength of being so visionary and motivated that he sometimes forgets to consider the feelings or opinions of others. Understanding this relationship allows us to celebrate our strengths and challenge our weaknesses. The very things that drive us crazy about our kids are really just undeveloped characteristics of their strengths. Our kids are who they are and it’s our job to help them discover and guide them in their journey of growth, however I was recently reminded that this discovery and guidance is not just up to us...

Our middle son, Adam, falls into the camp of having leadership gifts. When he was four and jealous of his six year old sister’s friendship with another little girl at the park, he organized a rally of six or seven boys, most of them older than him and none of them he knew. Adam had them sitting under the monkey bars while he paced back and forth giving instructions….”We will NOT accept a girls only policy at this playground!” Needless to say, I was pretty embarrassed once I realized what was going on, scooped up my kids, and made a hasty exit. Was he concerned about my embarrassment? His sister’s feelings? What the other parents must think? No. But did he organize, motivate, and instruct a group successfully? Yes. There are obvious weaknesses to this strength and we talk about them with Adam all the time. We pray about them – both with him and on our own. We look for teachable moments. We get counsel from other parents. In short, it’s a big topic of discussion around parenting this child.

Adam, who is now 9, recently attended a faith based camp called Springhill in Loveland. (I would highly recommend it – a great combination of super fun activities and age appropriate yet challenging curriculum.) At the end of the week, they had a parent celebration where they called the kids up one by one and the counselors gave each camper a character trait of Jesus that they had noticed throughout the week.  They called that trait out in them, gave examples of what they had seen, and read them a specific verse about that trait. While the counselors were talking, the child standing with them stood a little taller and seemed to gain confidence and assurance in who they were. It was, without a doubt, one of the coolest things I’ve seen done with kids. I was in tears watching this after the 2^nd kid and thinking about what this was doing for them. Before Adam’s turn came, I thought about what his counselors might say about him. I wasn’t going to be shocked if it was leadership (sometimes a nice way to say that he can be bossy) or wisdom (he has a lot of information in that brain), but I was in no way prepared for what they said when he was called up to the front.

When Adam’s turn came, his counselors gave him the character trait of “unselfishness”. What?? They gave examples of how they saw it played out during the week and pointed to Phillipians 2:3-5 which he has since memorized.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

He was beaming and no other trait could have meant more to him in this time in his life. Something he has been working on, praying about, and seeking wisdom around – these two college aged girls who didn’t know him saw enough unselfishness in him to call it out.

I know it was a big deal to Adam. He talked about it later with us and took great care in finding and highlighting the verse in his bible. But I think at this time, it meant even more to us as parents. It felt like God was saying, “Hey, I’m in this too - it isn’t all up to you.  Remember? I know what he needs to grow - I created him.”

I know that verse will be part of who Adam is as he grows up. I know he will continue to discover strengths and uncover weaknesses as he grows into the man God has created him to be.  I want to not get in the way of that. I want to be thankful for the way each of my children are “fearfully and wonderfully made” and joyfully watch how God develops them.