Find a mentor, be an encourager...

I've found that no matter where you are on the parenting journey, it's so helpful to have a mentor who is just a stage or two ahead of you. Years ago during the stage where we had three kids under four, I remember one particularly rough morning when I had exhausted my resources of books, games, puzzles, and snacks....all before 10 am. I secured the kids in their various containment devices (bouncy seat, exersaucer, and watching Clifford) and stepped out on the porch for a couple deep breaths of fresh air and a little perspective. Feeling a little better, I went back inside and we continued our day...

Just for the Joy of the Experience

While visiting Darrin’s family in Illinois this winter, we took the kids on their first ice skating adventure. While we’ve roller skated together, none of the kids had ever tried ice skating and found the indoor rink experience to be both exciting and hard work.

Caroline, 10, took advantage of the aid to help acclimate beginners to the motion of skating (which was very cool by the way – it was like a sliding walker) and took to the ice with her cousins, gradually giving up the tool and holding hands with her pals. She was a little nervous about falling and found the ice surface to be unforgiving and sometimes painful. She kept a good attitude though and had just as much fun hanging out and drinking hot chocolate with her buddies as she did on the ice.

Eric, 6, was determined to “do it myself” and declined the aid, working very hard to figure it out and accomplishing his goal of skating around the rink without help from mom, dad, or anyone else near him. There were tense moments of frustration but he stayed the course and persevered.

Adam, 8 , was the most fun to watch. Sheer abandonment of expectations, what people thought, or accomplishing anything, Adam threw himself (sometimes literally) into the ice skating experience. He had so much fun...

Journaling

My daughter and I have a journal that we write back and forth in to each other about various topics. It started when she was about 4, so the early pages have big, slanted sentences like, “I love you Mommy”, “Thanks for the new socks”, and “You’re the best”. Knowing how important communication is, I wanted to have several opportunities for us to be able to connect, as well as the goal of fostering a love of writing and the ability to express herself in written form. I have found that just like adults, sometimes it feels safer for a kid to write down questions or feelings rather than talk about them first. Sometimes we have an exchange in the journal that starts on the surface and then goes to a place where it’s time to talk. Then we’ll have great conversations in the quiet of her bedroom about an issue that she has been sorting out in her head for awhile.

I think she’s learned a lot about processing her thoughts. Sometimes you can journal your way through an issue – how are you feeling, are you over-reacting? Is the solution within the words you are writing? She’s learned that self-reflection and prayer can provide clarity and direction in a way much different than verbal conversations.

Caroline is a talker anyway, so much so that now we sometimes use the journal in a “write that down in our journal and we’ll talk about it later” kind of way, but my friend’s daughter is more quiet and keeps things inside – how she’s feeling, what she’s thinking, and what may be bothering her. When my friend heard about the journal Caroline and I have, she became very excited and started one for the two of them. She tells me it absolutely changed their relationship. There was a level of trust within the writing and her daughter was able to express herself in written form in a way that really opened up their communication.

At 10, Caroline now has several journals in a variety of sizes, designs, colors. She has a chronological diary of events, a dream journal where she writes prayers and ways she hears God speaking to her and through others, and other random ones where she writes story ideas and song verses. We still also have “our journal” that we get out and have written conversations about our lives.

I love that Caroline and I can continue sharing our love of writing and that we’ll always have those early years recorded in her own handwriting – even if it only says, “Thanks for the new socks!”