3 Ways To Be Intentional

I've written before about my desire to be an intentional parent - to think more and react less. I recently heard a speaker talk about his "Whac-a-Mole" style of parenting and how he challenged himself to really slow down and think through their family's vision and mission rather than reacting to each issue when it came up. Here are 3 quick tips on being an intentional parent by Jim Mason, President and CEO of Beech Acres Parenting Center.

1. Understand how your childhood affects your parenting today. 
Jim talked about sitting down with your spouse and calling out what you appreciate about the way you were raised and would like to keep as part of your parenting philosophy as well as those things that you don't want to carry over to the next generation. This isn't a deep dive (although that's healthy as well) but more of a broad look at things like: I appreciate how my parents raised us to have polite manners, or I want to avoid using external motivation and rewards.

2. Have a vision for yourself as a parent. 
Jim walked us through a thought provoking exercise where our imagined grown children were making a speech and telling the audience how he/she appreciated their mom for always teaching them these three things....  He had us fill in those three things and then give examples of how we're teaching that to our kids. I agree whole heartedly with him that the best way to change your kid is to change yourself.

3. Have a vision for your child as an adult and act today in a manner that reflects the future. 
A group of friends and I recently sat down and made a list of what we hoped for our kids in their adult years and then challenged ourselves on how we were specifically teaching and modeling those things. Proactive and intentional - with some accountability built in.

I find that when I'm thinking about being intentional I'm more calm, thoughtful, and yes - a better parent. Thanks Jim, for the reminder that parenting takes thought and planning and when we find ourselves playing "Whac-a-Mole" it usually means we need to take a step back and take some time to think rather than do.

Problem Solving Deficit?

This post is inspired by a recent trip to an unnamed store where I attempted to purchase a pair of gloves and had a rather amusing experience.

After beginning to process my purchase at the register, the cashier stopped ringing the items up when she came across the gloves that seemed to have no price tag on them.

Teenage cashier: Oh. These have no tag.

Me: Sorry about that.

Cashier: (pause, no words)

Me: They were the only pair like it – I got them in the hat/glove section if that helps.

Cashier: Oh. (longer pause)

Me: Do you want me to go back and see if I can find a similar pair?

Cashier: I don’t know.

Me: (out of town and really needing gloves for the seriously cold weather outside). I’d

really like to buy them.

Cashier: I’m not sure what to do.

Me: (realizing she is looking to me to tell her what to do) Ummmm….is there someone you could call?

Cashier: Ok. (calls another cashier from somewhere in the store. She gets there after a few minutes)

Cashier 1: I’m not sure what to do about this.

Cashier 2: (they stare at the gloves) Hmmmm..

Really??

Cashier 1: (speaking to Cashier 2) I tried to find a product number and there isn’t one.

(Both cashier spend a few minutes punching various numbers into the register.)

Me: (sensing this will not have a short ending and trying to move things along) How about $10.00?

Cashier 1: Well, we don’t really know that’s the price.

Really????

Me: Could you call the manager and have them look up the gloves in your product list?

Cashier 2: I guess.  (pause, seems to be looking to me for confirmation)

Me: That would be great.

Ten minutes later, I had my gloves (which were $9.99 by the way) but was reminded once again of the many examples I see all over the place of poor problem solving skills. Call it lack of accountability, victimization, the result of helicopter parenting…but it seems to be running rampant among our kids’ generation.