Problem Solving Deficit?

This post is inspired by a recent trip to an unnamed store where I attempted to purchase a pair of gloves and had a rather amusing experience.

After beginning to process my purchase at the register, the cashier stopped ringing the items up when she came across the gloves that seemed to have no price tag on them.

Teenage cashier: Oh. These have no tag.

Me: Sorry about that.

Cashier: (pause, no words)

Me: They were the only pair like it – I got them in the hat/glove section if that helps.

Cashier: Oh. (longer pause)

Me: Do you want me to go back and see if I can find a similar pair?

Cashier: I don’t know.

Me: (out of town and really needing gloves for the seriously cold weather outside). I’d

really like to buy them.

Cashier: I’m not sure what to do.

Me: (realizing she is looking to me to tell her what to do) Ummmm….is there someone you could call?

Cashier: Ok. (calls another cashier from somewhere in the store. She gets there after a few minutes)

Cashier 1: I’m not sure what to do about this.

Cashier 2: (they stare at the gloves) Hmmmm..

Really??

Cashier 1: (speaking to Cashier 2) I tried to find a product number and there isn’t one.

(Both cashier spend a few minutes punching various numbers into the register.)

Me: (sensing this will not have a short ending and trying to move things along) How about $10.00?

Cashier 1: Well, we don’t really know that’s the price.

Really????

Me: Could you call the manager and have them look up the gloves in your product list?

Cashier 2: I guess.  (pause, seems to be looking to me for confirmation)

Me: That would be great.

Ten minutes later, I had my gloves (which were $9.99 by the way) but was reminded once again of the many examples I see all over the place of poor problem solving skills. Call it lack of accountability, victimization, the result of helicopter parenting…but it seems to be running rampant among our kids’ generation.
 

A friend of mine teaches at one of the most prestigious high schools in the city where test scores are seriously through the roof, a great school by all standards. He is passionate about exposing kids to all cultures and walks of life and organized a volunteer based field trip to a South American country. His students were teamed up with local kids of similar ages to complete group based tasks for the local community. He was blown away by how much better the local kids from the rural area were able to assemble themselves into a team, develop a plan, and accomplish their goal (and it wasn’t about being in a familiar place). He recognized the lack of problem solving and decision making skills. His story started me thinking about what we’re missing when we have very intelligent kids with great minds finding difficulty with solving problems. Of course just like anything else, kids need practice making decisions and problem solving – it isn’t just something they pick up at a certain age.

So, what’s the problem? Teachers are doing what they can - in today's world they are tied to standardized tests and curriculum standards that have become extremely score oriented. Not to mention the increase in class size in most schools and the fact that they only have so much time in the day. I think this falls more on the shoulders of us as parents. And as a parent, it’s much faster and easier to solve our kids’ problems for them. And with multiple kids…there are SO MANY problems! AND - we all know it’s frustrating to watch a child take forever to solve their problem when we knew the solution an hour ago. And don’t we always know best anyway? Even when they do solve the problem – we know the BETTER way to have figured it out.  We’re all guilty of this and we’re not doing it on purpose. And we all know that sometimes kids really do need our help so it takes the effort of slowing down and seeing the difference. More typically than not, we are flying through the day REACTING to what’s going on.  I’m convinced that independent problem solving builds confidence and competency so in 2011 I’m on a mission to help kids realize their problem solving potential!

Communication:

I’m a big believer in the idea that what we say to our kids impacts them greatly. Unintended messages we send them can be less than helpful and even harmful in some cases.  Thinking about the times I’ve unknowingly solved my kids problems for them and realizing the unintended message I’m giving them is, “You’re not capable, I have no confidence in you and don’t expect you to be able to solve this on your own,” motivated me to be more careful about the way we teach problem solving in our house.  Even just saying, “I’m sure you can solve your problem – let me know if you need help” builds confidence and assures them they can handle the things in life that come along. Of course there are times in life when a kid needs help (or adults for that matter), but wisdom comes from knowing which things you can handle on your own, when to ask for advice, and when something comes along where you actually need help. Simply asking kids if they are looking for advice or just want you to listen is a good tip I heard awhile ago. This works with all my kids and they appreciate that it’s their decision to make.

Problem solving for younger kids:

 One technique for kids just learning problem solving skills is something called Limited Choices.  You probably do this as a general rule of daily parenting. Simply restrict the number of choices you present to two or three and make sure the desired behavior is one of them.  “You can eat your snack at the kitchen table or outside, but not in the living room. What would you like to do?” This technique is also helpful when kids are having trouble making the decisions on their own and need some guidance.  You’re giving the child the independence to make the decision and can also apply natural consequences as a result.

Problem solving for older kids:

If my middle school daughter came home from school with a friend problem and I used Limited Choices, I’d give her three choices of action, she’d pick one, and that would be that. BUT – is she really learning how to solve problems on her own? At this age, she’s ready for the next step. I’ve found it’s most helpful to LISTEN (even though you know the answer!!!) and ask questions to help HER sort through her choices. Even as she speaks aloud her possible choices to solve the problem, she usually follows up a poor choice with an immediate “but that’s not a good idea”…

I’m really just helping her with the process of problem solving and decision making. At this point, rarely do I add any content to her thoughts – I’m more of a sounding board for her to think out loud.

Opportunities to practice:

When choosing extra curricular activities with our kids we look for several things, but the opportunity to  practice healthy decision making and problem solving is at the top of our list. Think about the adults you put your kids on contact with, the group based scheduled activities - what is the purpose of each of them and how do they influence these ideas in your kids? Destination Imagination is a fantastic program that focuses on those skills within a world of creativity. That's just one program that has provided our family with great experiences, but there are many more out there available to your child. These can't replace your intentional parenting, but can enhance the skills you are already teaching at home and provide a healthy place to practice. 

In conclusion:

Problem solving is a valuable skill that lasts throughout an entire lifetime. Don’t you love to work on a team with people who are problem solvers? Their approach is more, “Hmmm, let’s think about how we could do this” rather than, “That will never work”.  All of the world’s great systems, cures, discoveries, and creations all started with a problem that needed a solution!

So, while we’ve always tried to keep this as a parenting method in the back of our minds,  in 2011 – we’re going to be more intentional about helping our kids become confident problem solvers ready to take on the world’s issues. One problem at a time.  Join us!